Two Lip

I took this pictue with my Dad's camera on the 19th. I really like tulips, and flowers in general for that matter. They're beautiful.

This weekend was packed, and it's reflected in my room looking like a hurricane. It's OK, one thing at a time. I didn't get to get done my one goal for the weekend, but there were some other things that were good that seemed to work out.

It was a packed / patch up weekend. I spent time patching up a couple friendships, playing lots of sports (basketball , soccer, and ultimate), and spending time at church and in meetings. I'm not frustrated by the way I handled the time, because these were all things I've chosen. Here are the hilights.

Charis came back for the weekend, and that was really fun to see her. We didn't get to talk all that much, but it was good to be with her again and to see that she was doing pretty well. And all in all, it was good to be home again. It's cool to see her discover life away from home. I can only hope for good experiences and lots of growth.

I spent time working through stuff with V. and L. I guess that's life. Asking for forgiveness and expressing frustrations are part of friendships. Talking about expectations and being honest about how we're feeling. It's taken a while for some of these things to play out. I know I'm kind of generalizing (rightfully so), but I wanted to record this for my own sake. I've learned that this is the stuff of community. Going through things together even if they are hard. Being real with other folks even if it hurts on both sides.

I played soccer for the first time in a while. It was kind of hard because I'm not as skilled as the other guys. Still, it was fun for me, and it's good practice ( I think ) in preparation for Sierra Leone. I still have trouble keeping up with other folks: stamina wise. I think it takes a lot more work for me to build up my stamina compared to other people. That's always been a weakness of mine.

With Thanksgiving approaching, I want to keep in mind the concepts of grattitude that I've been learning. A quote from a pastor on grattitude: "An ancient prayer ends with these words: 'One thing more I ask: give to me a grateful heart.'"

25 plus 1

who knows what this year will hold.

all i know is i got used to 25 and now it's done with. i had this sense of sadness, not about getting older, but wondering if things have changed this year. some folks get all into getting older, i don't know, i don't think it's that big of a deal, but it's really been hard for me in that i wonder if things are different from a year ago. am i closer to God, or am i too caught up in this search for identity and community? age isn't so hard, not maturing is.

in light of this, i had this realization today, and i hope that you hold me to it. i realized that i need to come closer to the realities of life. i don't need to figure out exactly who i am or what i should be doing now, but i really should come closer to the truth of my existence.

i was made to worship god. i was made to express beauty. i was made to be creative. i was made to be loved. i was made to love my God and other people intimately and deeply. i was made to be intimate with others.

i started out my early 20s in search for a good life. then there was a great stirring in my heart from different life experiences, and i committed the rest of the roaring 20s to sacrifice, service, and identifying with the poor. right now, i think something's gone wrong or needs to change because i'm busy fighting myself each day: wondering and wandering too much ... and feeling stuck in it. i feel a need to phase into something new: finding out how i mature into living a life that allows for me to live freely.

beauty.
creativity.
love.
god.
hope.
community.
intimacy.
people.
life giving service.
identifying with the poor.

from t.s. elliot:
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.

ok, i'll post for real soon. been slacking. see ya soon.