(Dis)Connected

I have more thoughts on my struggle to connect spiritually to God.

On my way out of the house, Josh told me shortly that a guy died yesterday at the Fruitvale BART station. It kind of freaked me out because I was scared it was someone I knew. (It's not like I have a lot of friends, but the thought did cross my mind) I rushed off to work a couple blocks down the way. Hit by a BART train. I tasted a bit of Oakland's relationship with death. I read a couple articles tonite about what happened.

article

There wasn't much to say about it, though I figured i'd keep my mouth closed, especially working with elementary school students.

[break]

This morning I had a moment of connection. When I create I am whole. I find God in the state of peace ... when I draw, think, create.

[break]

I felt the hopelessness in the youth at tutoring. A lot of swearing, and street sense, a dialogue I did not understand, or exactly know of. But a reallness in all of it. To feel / understand the circumstances and struggles that the people of the city have to deal iwth... finally... and it wasn't easy.

Not to knock my parents but it's crazy how they're so protective of my sister, my brother and I. protective and worried about everything. Right fully so, I hang out with my friends who have children, and it makes me understand how life changes. And how life is about allowing life to blossom and be protected for your child. Still, a lot of those concerns pale compard to the struggles that folks here go through. It's laughable to have such conflicts when life as a whole is great in Castro Valley. space, etc.

And come on, minus the temper tantrums, my sisters' turning out great. Nothing to worry about what do i know about parenting.

And it's not to look down on these kids, but i felt the burden of a second-rate education. What does it mean for me to part of the growing process fo these youth? Four years down the line, life will be more difficult. Jobs will be more scarce... Fruitvale will have more people and the same problems. It's hard to figure out what's availabe here. To express a working, positive , life change opportunity.

What does education bring? Sometimes God/Church is all about doing whats right: not cussing, not talking bad, not talking about liking someone else. But it's not just being a nice guy/girl or doing the right thing, though there's a sense of that when one's in the walls of the church.

[break]

I can't really connect these thoughts. I'm trying to find inspiration from the masters. To end:
Matisse: Creativity takes courage.